Goldilocks And The 3 Eschatological Views

This past November, for NaNoWriMo, I wrote a collection of stories that I entitled, “Fairytales Dipped in Eschatology” and this is one of them.  In July, Ruth and I will be blogging on the End Times aspect of Eschatolgy and various views, so here’s a foretaste of what to look forward to in a couple of months.  (And as a side note, you can go to our “Terms and Definitions” that is linked on the top of this page for definitions of any unfamiliar words.)  

Once upon a time there was a forest, and it was called the Dispensational Forest and it is the place where Goldilocks had lived all her life. In fact, Goldilocks knew nothing of anything else. She was raised, taught and was surrounded by the Dispensational Forest and was completely unaware that anything else existed.

On the far edge of Dispensational Forest, and unbeknownst to Goldilocks, there was a quaint little house. And in that house lived three eschatological views: Postmillennialist, Amillennialist, and H. Premillennialist. One day, Postmillennialist said, “We should do some extra research on the interpretation of the number 1,000.” The other two agreed that this would be a good idea, and they all headed off to the library in search of more wisdom and understanding.

On that very same day, Goldilocks wandered further into Dispensational Forest than she had ever wandered before. She came across the house of the three eschatological views. She looked at the quaint little house and became very curious about it. Goldilocks peeked inside the door and hollered, “HELLO?” and no one answered. The home seemed very beautiful and she decided to take a little self-guided tour.

In front of her was a table and on that table sat three bowls full of three different eschatological views. Goldilocks tasted the first bowl labeled, ‘H. Premillennialist’ but it was too negative!   So next, she tasted the bowl labeled, ‘Postmillennialist’ but it was too positive! Then she tasted the third bowl labeled ‘Amillennialist’ and why! It was just right! So she gobbled it up!

Next, she saw rocking chairs set up in the living room and she decided to try all three of them. First she sat in chair labeled, ‘Amillennialist’ but it was too metaphoric. Then she tried the chair labeled, ‘H. Premillennialist’ but it rocked too literal. Next, she tried the chair labeled, ‘Postmillennialist’ and why! It was just right! So she rocked in it until it fell apart.

Goldilocks next saw a stairway and thought, I wonder where this leads? At the top of the stairs was a gigantic bedroom that had three beds in it. She first tried the bed labeled, ‘Postmillennialist’ but it was too hard. Then she tried the bed labeled, ‘Amillennialist’ but it was too soft. Next, she tried the bed labeled, ‘H. Premillennialist’ and why! It was just right.   Suddenly, Goldilocks realized how incredibly tired she was from all the thinking she was doing that she fell fast asleep!

                  The three eschatological views came home sharing their thoughts with one another and debating what they had just learned. They walked in to see the three bowls on their table had been tampered with. H. Premillennialist was the first to notice, “Someone has rejected my view of eschatology!”

Postmillennialist replied, “Someone has rejected my view of eschatology too!”

Amillennialist smiled, “Someone has received my view of eschatology!”

“Look!” Amillennialist exclaimed pointing and walking over to his rocking chair. His smile melted into a frown, “Someone has rejected my view of eschatology!”

“Someone has rejected my view of eschatology too,” said H. Premillennialist.

Postmillennialist stuck out his tongue, “Look! Someone has accepted my view of eschatology!”

The three views of eschatology searched the rest of the house to see if they could find who that someone was. When they reached their bedroom, they stopped.

“Someone has rejected my view of eschatology,” explained Postmillennialist.

“Someone has rejected my view of eschatology as well,” said Amillennialist.

“Someone has accepted my view of eschatology,” exclaimed H. Premillennialist, “and there she is!”

At that moment, Goldilocks woke up and saw the three views staring at her, just waiting to see what would happen.

“You all think too hard about everything!” She shouted, “I don’t care anymore!”   Goldilocks then jumped out of the window so fast the three views of eschatology were unable to stop her. As she ran back into the forest, the three views called after her and asked her to stay. They all three were more than happy to help her understand, but it was too late. She had disappeared back into Dispensational Forest.

The three views of eschatology stared out the window. Postmillennialist, with a saddened heart, said, “Some people just have a hard time wrestling with Scripture. They fear the change of conviction, I suppose.”

“Wrestle with Scripture?” H. Premillennialist said shocked, “How is one supposed to wrestle with Scripture? It’s a book! It’s not like it has a head to put in a headlock!”

“My dear friend,” Amillennialist stated putting his hand on H. Premillennialist’s back as they walked away, “I think it’s high time you learned what a metaphor is. We can start with the number 1,000.”

“Oh, no we won’t!” Postmillennialist protested, trailing behind them.

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